I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
