also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
