i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
are you so shy because you have an std?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
