I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
