I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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