my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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