just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
