i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
tell your sister to shave her snatch
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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