bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
