He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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