he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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