Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
should my penis look like a turkey
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
