who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
