I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
