So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
