You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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