Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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