he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
