I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
