Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
