fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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