Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
