I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
