She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it's not cheating when I paid for it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
