Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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