i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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