We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
