He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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