When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
