I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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