we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
