cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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