some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
