Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
