soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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