not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
