not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
