Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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