Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
