And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
