Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
