I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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