oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
