Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
