he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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