I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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