She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have aggressive nipples.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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