Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
