Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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