I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
