youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
