if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
